


Felis Domesticus

by llyrical



Category: Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon)
Genre: Cats, Cute Live-In Boyfriends, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Teacher!Wirt, Wirt being allergic to cats but not having the heart to tell Dipper, pinescone, writer!dipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llyrical/pseuds/llyrical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The words <i>’FREE KITTENS!’</i> were clearly scribbled on the side of the damp cardboard box in black sharpie. When Wirt peered inside at the squirming mess of fur, he could see why Dipper would see this as a great opportunity full of adorable little fuzzballs. Unfortunately, <i>he</i> could only see it as a box full of allergies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Felis Domesticus

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure fluff that I wrote as a pick-me-up to myself because I've been writing so much angst lately. It's my first time writing Pinescone and I really enjoyed doing so, so I hope you all like it!

"Hey, babe. Wirt." A hand shook him lightly, rousing him from his dreams but not fully pulling him into consciousness. "Wirt?"

"Mm," he hummed quietly. He heard a familiar chuckle and relaxed into the sensation of his boyfriend's fingers carding through his hair. He let his eyes slide open slowly, blinking a few times to clear his vision as he took in the sight of the man leaning over the couch. Dipper's brown curls were wetted down, his flannel a bit damp from the rain, but he was still smiling warmly at Wirt. 

"Have a good nap?" Dipper teased. He nodded sleepily, yawning and stretching his arms above his head. He hadn't exactly meant to fall asleep on the couch, but if he did so anyway, he must have needed it. 

Dipper laughed quietly at him before he straightened up and a look of something more serious flashed across his face. Wirt felt more awake immediately, sitting up and raising an eyebrow. 

"I, uh," Dipper grinned sheepishly and Wirt's stomach dropped, "I've got something to show you." 

"Why do I feel like this isn't going to be a good thing?" the young man groaned as he took his boyfriend's offered hand to stand up. 

"Depends on your perspective," Dipper muttered quietly. Wirt rolled his eyes but followed him through their small apartment and to the entryway nonetheless. 

The first thing he noticed was the box. The second thing he noticed was the distinct sound of _mewling_ coming from the box. 

“Okay, so don’t freak out,” Dipper started as Wirt approached the box. 

The words _’FREE KITTENS!’_ were clearly scribbled on the side of the damp cardboard box in black sharpie. When Wirt peered inside at the squirming mess of fur, he could see why Dipper would see this as a great opportunity full of adorable little fuzzballs. Unfortunately, _he_ could only see it as a box full of allergies. 

It wasn’t Dipper’s fault, really. Thinking back, Wirt was relatively sure that his cat allergy had never come up in their nearly two years of having dated. It was just never relevant; they never went anywhere with cats. 

His boyfriend sidled up next to him, grinning at the box and snaking an arm around the taller boy’s waist. “So-” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Aw, come on, babe. I couldn’t just leave them there.” The writer crouched down and picked up one of the kittens- a mostly black one with white on its front and on its paws. “Could I, Dante?” he asked the cat in a baby voice, lifting the creature close to his face so he could peer at it from behind his glasses. 

“Dante?”

“Yeah, like-” 

“Like Dante’s _Inferno_. I get it,” Wirt replied sourly. “Dipper, does our lease even allow cats?” He was relatively certain that you had to pay a pet deposit on animals when you were renting a place, which they definitely had not done- not even for _one_ cat, let alone _five_.

The young man smiled nervously up at him as he set “Dante” back in the box and let his hand hang over the side so the other kittens could come up and rub at it. “Yeah, I, uh. I wasn’t too sure about that, so I sorta just snuck them up here.” 

Wirt wasn’t certain how his boyfriend could have gone about sneaking a box full of _cats_ up to the fifth floor of an apartment building without being noticed, but he had bigger issues on his hand. Like his eyes, which were starting to water, and the familiar scratchiness in his nose. 

Before he could protest again, Dipper turned begging eyes on him and lifted another kitten- an orange one this time- in front of him as if the cuteness could win him over. 

And dammit, it could. But not from the cat. Just from the sight of his adorable boyfriend with the glasses that Wirt was so fond of. 

“We’re not keeping them,” he stated, and Dipper deflated a bit until he continued, “but we’ll raise them until they’re at an age that they can be adopted. Then we’ll ask around to friends and family to make sure they find good homes.” 

The younger boy was quick to set the orange kitten back in the box with its siblings and jump to his feet so he could crush his lips against Wirt’s. The teacher chuckled into the kiss as his hands landed on Dipper’s hips. “I love you so much,” he whispered against Wirt’s lips, giving him several quick, staccato kisses as if to further prove this point. 

Wirt returned the sentiment, but was really thinking, _You’re_ lucky _I love you so much._

When Dipper pulled away, Wirt sneezed. _And so it begins._

\-----

Over the next few weeks, their house became cat central. They tried to be discreet in sneaking litter boxes, cat food, and toys up to their apartment so as to not tip their landlord off to their operation. Wirt found himself cat-proofing the rooms at his boyfriend’s pleading request, putting their potted plants up on shelves too high for the still-young kittens to reach and locking up some of their more breakable items (mainly a vase that his mother had given him as a housewarming gift) in a cabinet where they were untouchable. 

He blocked off the area underneath the computer setup where there were lots of cords and wires. He hung a note on the wall in the bathroom reminding both himself and Dipper to leave the toilet lid closed during the day. He kept his students’ homework tucked neatly into manilla folders which were stored in drawers and far away from the claws of curious kittens. 

They were lucky that Dipper worked from home and was therefore at the apartment all the time, because the kittens were still so small that it was bad to leave them unattended for too long. They had to be bottle-fed for a few weeks, a job that Dipper took on just as seriously as he did his writing. 

His first book had been published just a year before, and the deadline for his second- the sequel- was rapidly approaching. Still, he seemed to find time to play with and tire out the kittens during the day, because by the time Wirt would get home at the end of the school day, the five cats would be sleeping on and around his boyfriend’s lap as the writer typed away at his laptop. 

It was always an adorable picture, and the teacher found himself unable to hate having the cats there. Even though he had been spending a considerably excessive amount of money on Benadryl lately. 

He just couldn’t bring himself to inform Dipper of his allergies. It would break the boy’s heart, because he would know that he’d have to give up the kittens for the sake of his boyfriend’s health. And despite his seemingly constant sneezing and runny eyes, it was all worth it when he saw Dipper’s face light up whenever one of the cats would do something cute. 

So, often.

It didn’t help that the five kittens- Dante, Hemingway, Shakespeare, Frost, and Shelley- quickly took just as much of a liking to Wirt as they did to Dipper. After the first time they started trailing behind him wherever he would walk in the apartment, occasionally tangling precariously up with his feet, Dipper had cracked up laughing and cooed, “Aw, they think you’re their mom.”

Wirt absolutely _did not_ want to be the mom of a bunch of creatures who he was allergic to- or anybody’s mom at all, for that matter. 

But they made Dipper happy, and for that, _he_ was happy.

One day, Wirt got home a bit earlier than usual- he normally would have had to tutor after school, but the student was sick that day- and found Dipper asleep on the couch. His laptop was open dangerously on the ground in a spot that it absolutely would have been stepped on if the boy were to stand up without realizing it was there, and Wirt’s first move was to swipe his fingers across the trackpad to pull the computer out of sleep mode, save Dipper’s work, and store the thing on the kitchen table. 

He then went to actually look at his boyfriend, who was out cold on his side. Wirt gently pulled his glasses off his face, careful not to disturb the man or the pile of kittens surrounding him. Four of them were tucked into the crook of his arm, sleeping soundly, while Dante was resting in the area where Dipper’s shoulder and neck met like a living, breathing scarf. Wirt had to wonder how that was comfortable for either of them.

Still, he couldn't help his grin and the swelling of his heart at the sight. God, he loved that man so much, and he was (quite reluctantly) starting to find himself loving those cats, as well. 

\-----

“We need to have a date night soon,” was the first thing out of Wirt’s mouth when he got home from work on a Friday evening, several weeks later. 

Dipper looked up from where he was seated at the kitchen table, his laptop and a pile of notes spread out in front of him and an orange kitten- Shakespeare- sprawled on his lap. He pushed his glasses up a bit with one finger and Wirt tried not to swoon as he ducked in for a quick kiss. 

“Rough day?” his boyfriend asked as Wirt went instantly to the tea kettle to begin boiling water. Wirt never made tea so soon after getting home. Tea was his stress drink, and Dipper knew it. 

“Just a lot of work to be done,” he sighed, collapsing into one of their squeaky wooden chairs. “And too many kids who know the right questions to ask to get us off topic for entire class periods, thus resulting in _more_ work to be done.” 

Dipper looked at him sympathetically, but then grinned. “I was one of those kids in high school,” he laughed, standing up. 

Wirt rolled his eyes. “I know.” 

Dipper came around behind him and rested his hands on Wirt’s shoulders, beginning to rub his thumbs in slow circles. Wirt sighed and relaxed into the touch as Dipper’s hands slipped beneath the collar of his shirt and sweater to apply more pressure. 

“You’re so tense,” Dipper murmured quietly, his palms pressing down on tight areas of Wirt’s shoulders and neck, making the muscles burn but in a satisfying way. The younger man paused his motions for just a moment to lean down and brush his lips against the nape of Wirt’s neck, making him shiver. “Just let me take care of you.”

Wirt hummed happily and allowed his eyes to slip closed as he pressed up eagerly into the touch. Dipper’s hands worked on his shoulders, drawing the tension out of his muscles, until the kettle started to hiss. Wirt moved to get up but Dipper held him in place, whispering quietly to tell him just to rest and that he would get it for him. 

He smiled to himself as he heard Dipper pouring the water into Wirt’s favorite mug, filling the tea ball with Wirt’s favorite loose leaf tea, and leaving it to steep for a few minutes before returning to continue rubbing his neck.

The nice moment was short lived, however, because after just a few seconds, Wirt yelped as claws dug into his leg. Dipper jumped back, yelling, “What, what’s wrong?!” as Wirt frantically shook his leg to dispel the white kitten- Frost- who had latched onto his slacks. The kitten’s too-long nails bit through the fabric and right into his shin, and he practically knocked the chair backwards in an attempt to get the thing off. 

It was Dipper who finally came to his rescue, swooping down to swiftly grab the kitten’s paws and easily pull his claws out, being careful not to break any. Wirt was practically panting as the surprise wore off and as the allergies set in, choking him a bit. 

It didn’t help that Dipper didn’t look too upset with the cat. He looked like he was trying to be, standing up and bring Frost up to eye level with him with a frown, but after a moment of staring at the little fuzzball, he smiled and kissed its head. When Wirt glared, his boyfriend grinned sheepishly at him. “So, uh. Date night?”

\-----

They did, in fact, have a date night the next night. Dipper had insisted that they go out, trying to talk Wirt into it with a, “But babe, it’s been so long since we’ve gotten dressed up for each other,” but the teacher just wanted to have a night in. While it would have been nice to get away from their apartment, which was covered in cat hair literally _everywhere_ and therefore a hazard zone for Wirt and his allergies, the last thing he wanted to do was dress up. 

So, they ended up ordering a pizza and putting on a movie that they had little intention of watching, both laying on the couch in t-shirts and boxers. Dipper had played with the cats enough that afternoon that they were all worn out, and Wirt was grateful for it when Dipper coaxed them all into laying on their shared cat bed (Wirt was also grateful that they were all still tiny enough to fit in one, because he sure didn’t need five cat beds lying around when he had no intention of keeping five cats). 

After they finished off the pizza, Dipper laid himself across Wirt’s lap like he was one of the cats. Wirt couldn’t help but smile at the thought as he ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and they talked about random nonsense. At some point, Dipper had slid further up the couch and then flipped over so he could sit on Wirt’s lap with legs folded on either side of the teacher’s, arms on the back of the sofa and successfully caging Wirt in place. 

His lips met Wirt’s softly, fitting perfectly against them and moving slowly, gently. It was the kind of feather-light kiss that sent Wirt’s head spinning, and while he normally would have loved that, loved to have gotten caught up in a moment worthy of poetry, it had been too long since he’d had Dipper pressed against him like this and he didn’t hesitate to snake his arms tightly around the other man.

“We should have date night more often,” he murmured when Dipper broke the kiss off, pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against Wirt’s.

The writer laughed softly, dropping his arms just so his hands could slip up underneath Wirt’s t-shirt and begin brushing over the skin he found there. Wirt followed suit, pushing his hands up Dipper’s shirt until he decided just to pull the fabric over the other man’s head and toss it out of the way. The other boy’s eyes lit up deviously, clearly delighted by the fact that Wirt was initiating something, and he was quick to repeat the motion and practically rip Wirt’s shirt off and over his head. 

“Been so long since I’ve had you,” Dipper murmured huskily, voice low, as he claimed Wirt’s lips again. By the time he pulled back, they were both gasping for breath. “Maybe it’s time to change that.” 

Wirt wholeheartedly agreed, the feeling of Dipper against him when they were both only wearing thin boxers that left little to the imagination practically driving him crazy. He dropped his hands to the waistband of Dipper’s boxers and was prepared to remove them completely when they heard a tell-tale, quiet meow. 

They both froze, heads snapping over to the source of the noise and Wirt retracting his hands like they were teenagers being caught by parents doing something they shouldn’t be doing (and absolutely _not_ as if they were fully grown, adult men being caught by Dipper’s god damn _cat_ ). Hemingway, the little gray kitten, sat next to the couch and stared up at them with wide eyes. He meowed again, and the other cats seemed to be alerted by the noise, as soon enough, four more cats were trotting over to the couch. 

“Dipper, no,” Wirt hissed as his boyfriend moved to slide off his lap. 

“Sorry, babe.” Dipper gave him a sheepish grin before getting off the couch long enough to swoop up Hemingway in one arm and Dante in the other. He settled back next to Wirt, whose face was still on fire despite the mood being one thousand percent killed, and made clicking noises to try and draw the other kittens up with them, as well. 

Wirt crossed his arms over his chest and stared angrily forward at the TV and the movie still playing quietly as Dipper let the cats hang off of his arms and laughed in delight. So much for date night. 

It took Wirt sneezing four times for Dipper to finally become a bit concerned and ask if he was coming down with something. He gave his boyfriend the iciest stare he could muster (though it probably still wasn’t that bad, as it was near impossible for him to stay angry with a kitten-covered, glasses-wearing boyfriend with mussed up hair) and said that yes, he didn’t feel well, and that he was going to turn in for the night. 

Dipper came to bed an hour later, the door startling Wirt, who had nearly dozed off while reading his book. For the first time in weeks, he didn’t have an armful of kittens with him, and when he shut the door behind him, Wirt was even more surprised. 

“Let’s just have a night alone,” Dipper murmured when he crawled into bed next to him and gently pulled the book from his hands, turning off the lamp when he set it on the nightstand. Wirt’s annoyance had dissipated and his allergies weren’t _as_ bad without the cats near him, so he gladly allowed his boyfriend to slide up next to him and tuck his head underneath the taller man’s chin. His arms fell around Dipper’s waist, still bare as he hadn’t bothered to put his t-shirt back on, and one of the writer’s arms came up to drape lazily around him as well. 

They had maybe half an hour of peace in which they both fell half-asleep before the meowing started up. 

Wirt tensed, the desperate cries of all five kittens loud right outside their door. Dipper always allowed the cats to sleep in their bed with them (often leading to Wirt waking up unable to breathe), so it wasn’t a surprise that they were getting abandonment issues. 

“Dipper,” he hissed quietly, shaking his boyfriend a bit. 

“Just ignore them,” Dipper murmured sleepily, pressing a soft kiss to Wirt’s collarbone. “They’ll be fine.” 

Even in his exhaustion, Wirt was shocked. Dipper- overwhelmingly parental Dipper- was turning away something that the kittens wanted. The kittens _always_ got what they wanted. Dipper spoiled them like he would children. 

They really were like parents, weren’t they? Dipper, while irresponsible more often than not, had proved to be a sufficient guardian of the cats. In his sleepy haze, trying to ignore the sounds of their needy pets, he thought about how good of a dad that Dipper would be. 

His eyes shot open a second after thinking it. What the hell? Where had _that_ come from? He and Dipper had only been together for two years! Sure, they lived together, but they weren’t _married_ or anything! 

Not that Wirt would have been opposed to marrying Dipper. He totally could. That was absolutely a Thing That They Could Do.

God, where were these thoughts coming from? 

It was the damn kittens. Their loud, desperate mewling was getting to Wirt and reminding him that he loved those cats more than he wanted to. He loved feeling like he had a family with Dipper. 

He could almost hear Mabel saying that if a couple owned pets together, they were practically married already. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed Dipper away from him as gently as he could, and the other man mumbled sleepily but otherwise didn’t wake up. Wirt strode towards the door, ignoring the shiver of cold that came now that he was practically naked and no longer in the warm embrace of his lover. He pulled the door open for the cats, whose sounds picked up as they eagerly encircled Wirt’s ankles. 

“Shh, shh,” he murmured quietly, leaning down to scoop them up in his arms and toss them haphazardly onto the bed. They stopped meowing and started purring as they settled in next to Dipper, who still didn’t wake. 

Wirt left the room long enough to take two Benadryl before he was returning to slip into the bed. He placed his arm around Dipper again and brought the man’s face back to his collarbone, just the same as before but now with five purring kittens tucked between them. Dipper showed no hint of being awake, but Wirt was sure he wasn’t imagining it when he felt the other man smile against his neck.

\-----

When the day came to say goodbye to the kittens, Wirt couldn’t bring himself to be as happy as he’d thought he’d be. 

He knew they were all going to good homes. Dipper would have died before he gave one of his kittens to a stranger or put them up as a “Free to Good Home” listing on Craigslist. 

Mabel was eagerly taking Shakespeare, their little orange snuggler. Wirt was happy with the placement, partially because he knew no better person (excluding Dipper) than her to take the cat, and partially because she lived only a short drive away and therefore they could still see him as often as they liked. 

Shelley went to Dipper’s friend Soos and his wife Melody, both of whom were thrilled to be getting a cat. Dipper seemed to worry a bit, but in the weeks leading up to giving the kittens up, he had made up his mind and decided that the black cat would do just fine with them.

Frost went to Wirt’s mom, who hadn’t had a cat since she was a child herself as Wirt was allergic and therefore could never have one growing up. Even Dipper had managed to convince his parents to take one: Hemingway. 

After that, they had run out of close friends and family to give their kittens to, so Wirt asked around work. A coworker of his, the high school’s chemistry teacher, excitedly volunteered to take Dante off their hands. Wirt didn’t know her that well outside of school, but he had worked with her for years and she was a nice enough lady. 

Dipper wasn’t so ready to give Dante up to just anybody, though. He gave the teacher a full interrogation in which Wirt learned more about her than he ever would have wanted to. In the end, Dipper couldn’t find any problems with her other than the fact that she had a young daughter and they’d never introduced the cats to small children before. 

When Wirt went to talk him into it, his argument didn’t sound convincing even to himself. His offers of, “the apartment will be so quiet,” sounded more like cons than pros when spoken aloud. Still, Dipper eventually gave in, albeit with teary eyes that left Wirt cursing his allergies more than he had when he’d felt like he was literally dying from them. 

They’d dropped the first four kittens off and headed back to the apartment to pick up Dante. Wirt admitted it was weird to walk into the house and not be greeted by a whole parade of cats who loved them purely because they were the only people to ever show them affection. He gave Dipper a moment alone with Dante- Dante, the first cat to be named, and clearly the first one to have won Dipper’s love- as he walked around the apartment. 

There was still fur of varying colors clinging to everything even vaguely resembling fabric, but the air was thinner. Wirt’s nose still felt scratchy, but at least he could breathe. 

When he returned to his boyfriend and saw the tears flowing silently from his eyes as he rubbed his face against the cat’s, he knew that he would have taken not being able to breathe over this any day. 

“Dipper.” His boyfriend, the man he loved more than the whole world, made a sad noise of recognition but didn’t open his eyes, instead hugging the cat closer. Dante squirmed and made a startled noise, but Dipper didn’t release him. “Hey.” 

He dropped to his knees on the floor next to the other man, reaching a hand out. Dipper flinched slightly, but opened his eyes and pulled Dante back to stare at him. Wirt’s heart ached with the raw sadness in the writer’s eyes. 

“Sorry,” Dipper murmured quietly, sniffling a little bit and offering a sad smile that Wirt hoped he’d never have to see again. “I’m just gonna miss him.” He released his grip on the cat and Dante quickly turned to stare at Wirt instead. 

Wirt stared him down. Dante stared back. 

He took a deep breath. “No,” he said quietly, sighing.

Dipper frowned. “No?”

Wirt swept the cat up with one arm and rose to his feet, reaching his other hand out to help Dipper up as well. “We’re keeping the cat.”

Dipper blinked, and then a smile began to slowly spread across his face as if he was afraid to get too eager too fast in case Wirt changed his mind. “Really?” he asked, looking positively like a kid on Christmas morning. His grin finally split his face when Wirt nodded and he crushed his body against the teacher’s. Dante practically yowled and jumped to the floor as Wirt embraced his boyfriend. 

He’d later have to call his teacher friend and apologize, telling her that, _sorry, no, we just can’t give up such an important part of our family._ She’d been disappointed but ultimately understood, laughing and wishing him luck and telling him that she knew how frantic it was to suddenly have children. The comment had made Wirt’s cheeks flush and he decided to file that under the “List of Things that Dipper Will Never Hear About.”

He’d never seen Dipper so happy, and it was absolutely worth the Benadryls that he continued to take with every meal.


End file.
